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For first time readers...my journey begins here: THE VERY FIRST BLOG POST (CC1)

Meaning of life

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." ~ Pablo Picasso

Thursday, May 24, 2012

EPIPHANY - I Have Cancer, Therefore Officially USELESS!

Many of you have probably wondered where I have been. It’s been a very long time since I’ve updated this blog. For me it’s been a difficult few months. I have done much thinking and realizing how much my life has changed in the last five years.

April was my five year Cancerversary. Something I should be celebrating. I have always known I am one of the lucky ones having a cancer with a 70% mortality rate and still breathing five years later, but at what cost? There is great sadness and depression associated with this unprecedented feat.

When I left Detroit fresh out of college, for a new life in California, I was on a high. Everything I touched turned to gold. I have to admit my life was very blessed. Everywhere I turned were rewards and overwhelming opportunity. I was the golden child often referred to as the young Maverick.

I opened my first Little Caesars restaurant when I was 24. At that time we only had about 500 locations and I was the youngest franchisee. My second restaurant followed a few years later. By the time I was 29 I had three restaurants, became president of a co-op of 70 more, organizing all the marketing and working with Cliff Freeman and Partners out of New York on our national ad campaigns. It seemed I could do no wrong and I was a natural at it all. It never seemed difficult.


Opening Invitation for My First Restaurant

 I bought a big million dollar home in the hills of Fremont, California and filled the driveway with boy toys. Stanley Burell AKA MC Hammer was a neighbor and regular customer. I even secretly employed a member of his family. Kristi Yamaguchi and her family frequented my restaurants and I began to chair the San Francisco Easter Seals Telethons. Everywhere I turned, life had something or someone fascinating to offer.

Ribbon Cutting Ceremony  #2
©Brian N. Walin

I was always in my restaurants meeting my customers while being very involved in the Bay Area community. I worked with DECA, an organization that prepares emerging leaders and young entrepreneurs for careers in marketing, finance, hospitality and management in high schools and colleges around the globe. I taught students at the high school level about entrepreneurial skills and how to be successful in business. I also taught classes on how to enter the job market for the first time, concentrating on the do's and don'ts of a first interview. I was even honored and respected enough to judge DECA competitions at the state level. I was so involved and well recognized locally that my grocery shopping had to be done late at night because people would stop me and want to talk and I never had that much extra time.

Ribbon Cere"money"  #3 Ribbon Laced with $20 Bills Donated to Easter Seals Staff (left) cut by Mayor
©Brian N. Walin

In those days, sleep was nonexistent. On a good night I got 6 hours. I always began my days late, 9 or 10 AM, but then worked long into the late night hours catching up on my accounting or marketing for the company. There was nothing I wouldn't do. One day I might be making dough and grating cheese, the next I was fixing an oven or snaking a drain, then getting on a plane and flying to Los Angeles to film an upcoming commercial. It was never dull and I was always needed somewhere.

I designed and constructed my own stores, negotiated all the leases with the guidance of attorneys whom I only called in if I got over my head. I hired my staff and personally trained them all.  I planned the marketing layouts, negotiated rates, and worked closely with our national ad agency developing television commercials and ad campaigns. I didn't even take a day off for the first two years and a personal vacation took ten years to accomplish.


©Brian N. Walin

Sponsoring and check presentations of the Easter Seal Telethon 
©Brian N. Walin

Before Little Caesars, I wanted to get into the entertainment industry. I sang in night clubs, was apart of college productions as an actor, learned how to build sets, and direct. In my heart, I wanted to be an actor or sing, to make people happy. During college breaks, I would find jobs in entertainment to learn and make contacts.

I worked with Universal Studios one summer on  the film "The River" with Mel Gibson, Sissy Spacek, and Scott Glenn in the hills of Tennessee and Virginia. I learned a lot about the harsh realities of film making. It's not all flash and glamour and working on location was no picnic. I still enjoyed every minute of it. Working on set in a sound studio was much more my style. I wanted to be an actor! But that would all change upon meeting a very kind man whose advice I took to heart (to Hart) and that changed my life path.


University of Michigan Press Release

Being involved in the entertainment industry, I gravitated towards like minded people. One afternoon I was on the 20th Century Fox lot. They were the filming a finale of the hit show Hart to Hart. I spent the afternoon with friends from my old neighborhood in Michigan on set. After the shoot there was a big wrap party planned on the sound stage. I wanted to leave, tired from the long day, but upon exiting we were stopped by Robert Wagner who wanted to talk to us. Frankly, I thought we were in trouble for something as his approach was extremely brisk.

After finding out we were all from Michigan (RJ was born in the Detroit area) we instantly bonded. He invited us into his trailer and we talked for a long time, like old neighbors. This was just before his wife, Natalie Wood died off Catalina Island. He was so very kind and I could see the deep love for his family. The entire trailer was lined across the top like crown molding with family photos.


Mel Gibson and I on set of The River
©Brian N. Walin

Mel and Julie on set of The River
©Brian N. Walin

At this point in my life I was setting myself up in the entertainment industry, but had not gotten a big break. During the conversation I asked RJ what I need to do to make it in the business. His advice…“Don’t do it.” He continued to burst my bubble with his advice making tremendous sense. He explained how hard it was for him throughout the years and how long it had taken to get where he is today and how many waiters there are in Hollywood trying to survive waiting for that big break that probably would never come.

I took what he had to say to heart. It made a deep impression upon me. I respected what he told me as he dished out fatherly advice. I had a lot of connections in the industry which kept me busy working, but my natural talents were not singing and acting. I was in college getting my Business Degree at U of M and working in the entertainment industry during my time off.



That fall I returned to college and realized, with an education I could do anything, but as an actor I would most likely be waiting tables. I will forever be grateful for RJ’s advice. To make money during college I had a few jobs, but one was the cornerstone of my life with Little Caesars. This blog is a condensed version of my book (still in progress) and this chapter ends with me becoming the youngest franchisee at the time. After college I made a permanent move to California and opened my first restaurant, the first in the San Francisco Bay area. Hollywood was a memory.

No matter what I was doing, I was happy and for some reason I thought life was like this for everyone. Anything I wanted I could have. Not in a cocky way, it was just how life was for me. I want a new sports car, write a check, I want a Rolex, write a check, I want another restaurant go to the bank, get a loan, no problem.

After only six short years of being in business, I was inducted into Who's Who Worldwide Platinum Edition of Global Leaders for the first time. I had amassed a wall full of awards and celebrity photographs. And it didn't hurt that I owned the second highest volume restaurant in Northern California. My life was so fast paced. I never stopped to compare myself to others because I honestly thought everybody could have it all if they just applied themselves. It was never just handed to me. I worked hard for it, but for some reason doors always opened. I was never turned away.

First year induction into Who's Who

If I have one thing I can pinpoint as a strength that helped me get where I am, it's good communication skills and trusting my gut. I have always been comfortable talking with anyone from CEO's to janitors. Celebrity or power doesn't impress or intimidate me, I could care less. I have always been curious about everything in life, so I can find common ground. I don't care for pretense and often I'm underestimated because I don't act the part which I learned early on gave me an advantage when swimming in uncharted waters. You want to F**k with me? Let's play ball. I've taken out a few competitors over the years. I might appear meek and mild, but I'm hell on the dance floor! After the music stops, you better hope you have two legs to stand on when the dust clears. I've always tried to play nice so that everybody wins, but sometimes in business it's not always that simple.

On the set of  The Love Boat  with Fred Grandy "Gopher and Former Congressman"
©Brian N. Walin

Throughout my life I have gleaned information from those around me. I have filtered the bullshit and used the good to further my life and career. My instincts have been crisp and decisive. I seek out interesting people with similar goals and learn. Over the years I have been helped and educated by so many others who took the time to care and teach as I intently listened and learned. I only took advice from those who were on or have been on my same path. Only the people who have proven themselves I listen to. That in turn has garnered me great success.

I began to teach others how to become successful. People would ask my advice all the time and I tried to be brutally honest because I ALWAYS heard RJ in the back of my mind “Don’t do it” and for me he was so right. I believe you will be most successful in life if you follow your natural talents. If you suck at painting, you're not a painter. However, if you still aspire to be an artist, clay might be a better medium to attain your goals. You need to experiment to find your niche. Just because you enjoy doing something doesn't mean you are good at it and can make a living doing it. I was very careful to make sure if someone asked my advice, I would give both pros and cons. If I didn’t think they were capable, I would try to suggest ways to get them to realize a goal they wanted, but always being brutally honest if it wasn’t going to happen from my perspective.

I was blessed with a team of the best accounts, lawyers, and bankers that I had put together over the years. To them I am eternally grateful for all the advice and guidance throughout the years. Life to me is a series of learning from one another. I was surrounded by talented people and the energy was always so positive and enjoyable. I never stopped to realize most everyone I was working with was much older than I was, but that never seemed to be an issue.

Over the years I had trained and watched thousands of employees, as well as franchisees come and go. I worked with some of the most creative people on the planet. One of the most talented I still keep in touch with, Cliff Freeman who has since retired. Cliff Freeman and Partners was our ad agency who created all our memorable national television commercials. I was on set as Cliff gave birth to the very first Origami Pterodactyl commercial. Remember..."What am I going to do with a box?"

After that, the camera ready pizzas for the next few commercials were made on set by me, after learning some tricks the studio food techs taught me. Life was a blast. I was always learning, moving forward, and having fun. By now we had amassed over 3,200 locations world wide within our Little Caesars family. Being apart of that and contributing to the growth was more than I had ever dreamed of.

I spent almost 20 years working myself to a point where everything I said was trusted, respected, and I had the track record to prove it. Then one day after being sick off and on for several months, I was given 3 months to live. AW SHIT! I'M GOING TO DIE!

Even then I made the best of it. I told only a select few about my health issues. I planned the biggest party you can imagine. I had many contacts and pulled together a spectacular chain of events. I took over a local steak house at Christmas for a holiday blowout. I retrained their employees on how to properly serve like a 5 star restaurant, putting them all in tuxedos, white gloves...the whole nine yards. Secretly, I always wanted my own 5 star restaurant.

I insisted on real silver, fine china, and crystal to be used for the evening. A champagne fountain, ice carving, and fresh flowers with mounds of garland filled the rooms as well as a tree that the staff gave to me decorated by them with gratitude for teaching them how to reach higher and be better at their craft. I chose the meals and how they were to be prepared. Every detail down to what type of coffee, where it came from, and how it was to be served was decided upon by me. After all, if I’m going to die, I’m going out in a big way, My Way! (Cue Sinatra) This was all made possible because of a bizarre twist. The current manager was a very good friend who used to wait on me regularly at another local haunt of mine and also was my massage therapist for awhile during my recovery. So, he knew of my health issues.

The limo for the evening was so big it could not turn around in the cul-de-sac, so the driver had to back the car in all the way down the street carrying its two hot tubs and case of champagne in the trunk. Cute side note: My mother had flown out for the event and was late getting ready. The limo driver actually did my mother’s hair for the event. He treated her like a queen. I thought it would be a disaster given my mother was a hair stylist when younger and a model for Clairol, but he did a great job. Even as I was dying, life always had a way of coming together and surrounding me by talented and interesting people. Dinner that evening was beyond expectations!

The next party was Las Vegas. With a suite at the top of the Mirage Hotel the festivities continued with gambling, shopping, and seeing every show I could fit in. My friend Joy and I went shopping chalking up a closet full of hand tailored suits and clothes I would probably never wear, but always wanted. The bill for all this…close to $150,000. Hey, I thought I was going to die, so the checks flowed like champagne.

The three months passed and I was getting stronger. AW CRAP! I'm going to live! I spent all that money, but I had a blast! Over the next few years it was obvious I had to cut back on my work duties. I didn’t have the strength to keep the old pace up. I slowly cut back until all I had left was Walin Enterprises, Inc. I needed to keep something income producing to refill my retirement nest egg I just pissed away on a month long life ending rock star party.

The next five years were not all that easy. I found, because I was not in my restaurants enough, the temperament had changed both with the employees and myself. Negative things began to happen and when they got dangerous, I planned my final strategy to move on with my life. We had several robberies where people were injured. I had managers held up at gun point, pistol whipped, tied up with phone cords, and chased through the parking lot with steel pipes. I always knew these things existed in life, but not in mine.

On the local news was a story about a pregnant manager at Taco Bell located a block from one of my restaurants. She was murdered with a shotgun because she couldn’t open the safe. The poor mother with child died for no reason. You see, it was common for businesses to use time delay safes that could only be opened during predetermined hours to access the cash. Usually hours the stores are not open and often only one time a day. They must have thought she was lying about not being able to open the safe and shot her and the unborn baby in cold blood.

That was the catalyst that prompted my decision to begin plans for an early retirement. I don’t think I could live with myself knowing someone died in one of my restaurants for money. We had already had a few brushes with criminal activity. I had cameras in the stores, time delay safes, and even personal wireless holdup buttons for all the managers. But, all that wasn’t going to stop a catastrophic event.

My days in the pizza business were numbered as my health was still a major issue and the thought of the criminal activity bothered me. It was time to move into the next phase of my life. I began construction of a third home to retire in. I sold all my assets and put it all in the hands of my trusted money managers and planned a rockin retirement at the young age of 39.

Things were going pretty good for the first seven years. I was happy traveling and doing anything my heart desired. Then I got smacked with another reality that plagued my past. I was given my second death sentence. I was given a longer sentence this time, perhaps three to five years. I was told cancer would take most of my tongue and the odds of survival weren't good given the fact the cancer had traveled to my lymphatic system. I had plenty of time to recharge my battery before this so I had the attitude...Bring it on bitches!

As you know, if you are a regular reader, that was 2007 and I am still here, a few body parts rearranged but still kickin! The fanciful life I was once so blessed with is fading as I press on into an ever evolving life unfamiliar to me. So many people would love to have the life I have today, but I’m feeling a bit lost. So many realizations are coming to fruition that are getting me down and depressing the hell out of me. For everything I’ve done in my life, all that I know, and all I have learned and accomplished along the way, I am feeling useless.

I know I have had a great life, but my future seems bleak. I spend a lot of time with my feet in the sand at the beach or watching the golfers pass as I relax in the pool. I wake when I want and stay up all night watching movies and eating popcorn. I spend countless hours with social media chatting with people from around the world. A skill I learned spending so much time in bed recovering from cancer. Sounds perfect right? For all intensive purposes I’ve become a shut-in with the activity level of a sloth, but unintentionally.

Just Hangin Out

I’m stronger today and I want to get involved in life again, but on my terms as it has always been. Oddly, when I try to offer advice about business or finance I seem to get shut down. People seek my advice about cancer, which I gladly try to provide, but I don’t want the rest of my life to be defined by that. I have more to offer.

During a visit to MD Anderson I was asked to speak to some staff about giving better customer service from a patient's perspective because of some problems. (See December 31, 2011 post) It was even discussed that I might be involved with training to better experiences at the hospital. I really felt excited that I might make a difference and be useful, but that was shut down making me feel useless once again.

The problem I seem to face most often, when people meet me, their first impression seems to be…Oh that’s the guy with cancer. NOTHING I have accomplished in my past seems to matter. With all my knowledge, contacts, experiences, and life lessons to share to help people grow and become more successful, I’m known as the sick guy!

I have noticed this increasingly more over the last several years, but this epiphany was the result of an online friend who pretty much shut me down when I tried to offer advice to help grow a brand. Something I spent 20 years of my life doing and I have no doubt I could have added something positive to an already outstanding career. The experience left me with an overwhelming feeling as if I had nothing to offer. I know I shouldn't take that too seriously since they have no idea who I am as an online entity, but it was a big slap in the face. My life as I know it has vanished and frankly nobody cares because I’m now defined by cancer. My body doesn't always allow me to do some things I used to, but my mind is full of knowledge and advice ready to be put to use and given freely just so I can feel useful again.

I noticed this effect years ago while playing caregiver to my mother. She landed in rehab more times than I can count and always had new and interesting roommates. I  had a fascinating conversation with a woman who shared a room with mom. She had been a Rockette in New York and during her rehab we had plenty of conversations. One afternoon a group of children came to perform and the old woman tried to offer advice to the children's director on how to keep the girls in sync during the dance routine. They were cute, but rather sloppy. The director blew her off and didn't want to hear it. Out of curiosity I asked the director later what the old woman was trying to tell her. The director said, “That old lady knows nothing about dance. She’s got to be 90!”

If that director would have taken a moment to listen and get to know the old woman, she might have learned something useful. Unfortunately the old lady was defined by her age and  the disability that put her in a wheelchair, making her appear useless and knowing nothing about dance...or life for that matter. It’s a sad reality, but so very true.

Even though I’m only 51 with a phenomenal career, I’m being defined by the very same problem. I was immensely successful because I listened and learned. I took myself out of the rat race by choice, but cancer took away my life as I know it. Now that I have information, lessons learned, and education to share, the fact remains…I appear incompetent...what the hell do I know…I’m the sick guy who doesn’t work and obviously has nothing to offer! Pardon me while I go back to my trivial life and do nothing but soak in the pool and watch the clouds go by with a margarita in my hand! (Cue Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville)



What are you doing with the rest of your life?
Peace B

©Brian N. Walin - No portion of this blog may be reproduced or used in any way without expressed written consent.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Innocence



The young seem better equipped to handle cancer from my experience. I have met so many much stronger than I.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

IS IT JUST ME???

Have you ever gone through something so earth shattering like cancer, a death in the family, or a severe injury and when friends hear about it they say, "Oh I'm so sorry." I always think, "Why are YOU sorry. You didn't do it to me! There is no reason to apologize to me for something we have no control over."

Now, I realize I'm wired backwards for this planet, but why don't we state the positive like...I'm so glad you are beating your cancer, Gee he lived such a good life, I sure enjoyed having him in my life, or I'm sure this is just a temporary set back, you'll be better in no time.

STOP BEING SO DAMN SORRY ALL THE TIME!

Now back to your regularly scheduled program...

Saturday, March 31, 2012

DEEP THOUGHTS

If God was dyslexic, things would be different...he might have said "Let there be ghilt!" and we would live in darkness and misery.


If God made us all dyslexic...we would all be saying our prayers to Dog.


If dogs were dyslexic, they would all be thin because every time you yelled at them, they would think you were telling them to stop karbing!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

FINDING HAPPINESS

People ask me all the time how I can be so happy or make fun of situations like cancer when I have been through so much tragedy. Tragedy is a perception. Happiness is a decision, not an event. If you find you are unhappy about certain circumstances in your life you don't need to change the circumstances you need to change your perception of the circumstances. When you are in difficult times you often think you are the only one that is. You feel detached from the world. Yet all the problems we face are the same problems that have always existed. We need to change our focus and view these problems differently. We need to transform the mind.

Chose to be happy! Stop the perpetual negative comments about these problems. If the horse is dead stop beating it! Snide comments only reinforce your unhappy state. Stop constantly complaining about the kids, the husband or wife, your job, the government, were you live etc, etc. Positive communication often helps one understand what has gone wrong and can put one on a more productive path. When things go wrong in life, we have to face them and correct them, but don't focus on the negative. Look for the things to be grateful for.

I'm not saying that you should not fight for what's right or stand up for yourself when needed. Being overly passive can be a counter productive. But, if you are an unhappy person in your heart, you have the power to change that. If you are still breathing, you have a lot to be grateful for.

Peace B

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Random Thoughts

Some people lose their faith because Heaven shows them too little. But how many people lose their faith because Heaven showed them too much?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Cancer Chronicles 43

A Sick Child Walks Out and I Clearly See...
I  Can Be Part of the Solution!

SUNDAY - December 11, 2011

Off we go with some trepidation. 3:00 AM came early. Lately it is very important to be on time for your flights as they are often filled to capacity, if not overbooked. If you miss your flight, it could be days before something opens up to accommodate your mistake.

The flights were uneventful and we rolled into Houston on time. Smart people abound! A man standing at transportation asks, "Can I help you?" "Yes," I reply, "I need a cab." "You mean a TAXI?" he corrects. "I don't care what you call it, just get me a driver before I get in and drive the thing myself!" Geesh! I'm from another planet!!!! Pop or soda...it's all the same! I think I’m over tired and still pissed off from all the scheduling faux pas at the hospital!

I quickly made it to my hotel room conveniently arranged by the American Cancer Society. Given enough notice, they can often find available medical rates and even deeper discounts. Make sure you tell them you will need a hotel that provides transportation to the hospital if you are not renting a car.

MONDAY - December 12, 2011

I arrived at MD Anderson Cancer Center at 6:50AM, ten minutes before I was told to arrive after my last phone conversation with the schedulers. I counted 65 people before me and they kept coming! It was a mad house. I noticed right off that they were only calling one person in at a time for bloodwork. They usually called people in groups of five or more. This morning was different. For the first half hour I sat and waited as one at a time were called. Soon they began calling groups as I remembered in the past.

Many people were grumbling and some seemed to take the position this was business as usual. Next to me sat a man with his younger brother. The young boy sat motionless and speechless as his older brother, obviously his loving caregiver, became increasingly agitated. The older man began to grumble, “I have a very sick little boy here…is it always like this?” he asked me. I just shook my head.

He told me his little brother has had cancer for four years (the same time as me) and that they were told he needed to come here for his treatment. I got the impression they were new to MD Anderson, but not cancer and that wherever the young boy had been treated before, they did not encounter these issues. He kept repeating, "I was told this is the best hospital in the country." I have uttered those words and heard the same from many others. But, I will say it has not been without incident.

“Why can’t they keep a schedule? This is ridiculous! I booked his appointment months ago and we were early for his appointment. It’s 45 minutes past our scheduled appointment time! I have a sick little boy here!” The man became a bit more vocal. I could totally relate to his problem and nothing in this world is worse than seeing a young child suffering from cancer.

The older brother feverishly buried himself into his cell phone appearing to text. Then briskly walked up to the desk, said a few choice words, came back to the little boy and said, “Come on, we're leaving!” Then he stormed out of the waiting room ranting and screaming, “I have a sick little boy here! This is supposed to be the best hospital in the country! I'm not seeing it! I was on time for my appointment and have waited 45 minutes."

As they left, the sick young boy silently followed behind head bowed, shrouded by the hood of his jacket, not making eye contact with anyone.  My heart broke in that moment. I TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD HIS FRUSTRATION, but this kid's life could be on the line here! Where are they going?

For me the day went very well. I only had a 30 minute wait for my bloodwork. I went in way before more than half of those before me. I breezed onto CT scans in the Mays Building across the street, again a short 20 minute wait, and finished in less than 4 hours with everything! That's not typical from my past experiences. I think they might have expedited me because of all the scheduling mistakes or they are so screwed up I fell on the lucky side of the equation this time.

The best part of this morning...a BIG Southern Breakfast of Biscuits and Sausage Gravy! The hospital food is really pretty good! YUM! But remember that comes from a guy that lost most of his taste buds to cancer! TODAY I CAN'T COMPLAIN!

MONDAY AFTERNOON

The rest of the day I could not get that young boy out of my head. I kept thinking, were did they go? Did they come back or just walk out of the hospital for good? If they did leave in search of another hospital, a search takes time. Who’s to say how much time that little boy has left? A few weeks of searching for a new hospital could mean life or death. I don’t know how ill he was, but he certainly didn’t look well and was obviously very sick. The whole thing just made me angry!

It reminded me of when I was at my sickest point and when things went wrong at the hospital. I would often let things slide. I was too sick to worry about the delays or mistakes and the one thing that was on the top of my mind at that time was…Am I going to die!? So, you become more passive. You just don’t have the energy to deal with the trouble and it appears everyone else there is dealing with the same issues, so you relent.

I began to think…I’m stronger now. I don’t want to put up with crap like this anymore. I should find an alternative hospital to treat me in the future while I’m strong enough to make these decisions. That young boy walking out resonated strongly within. I realized I have other options. Yes, MD Anderson is said to be the number one cancer hospital in the country, but with everything I’ve seen happen with me going back to day one…I wonder why. Read my blog from the beginning and you well see where I am coming from.

I have already done a lot of research on other cancer facilities, but I keep coming back to ground zero...MD Anderson saved my life…WHY would I want to go anywhere else? Today I had my answer. I relate a lot of my life to the restaurant industry, so I thought…If I was the best chef in the world, creating the most mouthwatering experiences you could imagine and I had a lousy wait staff…I wouldn’t have a very busy restaurant for long.

There’s the answer! I have the best doctors in the country, but the support staff is making it so difficult that even a sick patient does not want to return, which totally puts into perspective the young boy walking out! SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE!

Why would a man (me) contemplate walking out on a hospital that saved his life after four years in search of another hospital??? Because he has had enough! It's not just the scheduling for me, it's billing, one employee telling you one thing and another something totally different, the added expense to come all this way, AND lack of communication...I'm just tired and want another option. Just like the restaurant business...there is always another one around the corner.

BUT WAIT...will they have doctors that will save my life the next time I need it? Do I want to take the chance? I might lose my battle if there is a next time because my new doctors failed me. My life is on the line here, not just a simple dinner! How do you create change? How do you fix a problem that's obviously bigger than you are??? How would I handle this if it was my business?

MONDAY EVENING

Tonight I had dinner with a wonderful woman that was part of my life saving team. Julie is MD Anderson's Senior Clinical Dietitian for the Head and Neck Center. She was the one who taught me how to use my feeding tube and supplements I needed to sustain my life for the almost 3 years. I learned about juicing and proper nutrition while being orally challenged. Get your minds out of the gutter! She was one of many that supported me in my darkest hours and through this and we became good friends.

That evening we did one of my most favorite things in the whole world to do. We had dinner together! We dined at my all time favorite Pappadeaux's, talking and enjoying each other's company as if I never had cancer. NOTHING in this world could be better for a person that has lost their tongue to cancer, than to enjoy a meal and converse with friends, especially when this is one friend that played a significant role in saving my life! YES I'M HAVING RED MEAT...even though my recent tests show high risk for heart failure!!! Sh*t BRING IT ON! Piece of CAKE in comparison...and I'll eat that too!!!

The subject did come up of my frustration with the hospital. I've discussed this issue with Julie long before this meal, so she was already aware of my frustrations. I tried not to focus on the problems as I didn't think it was fair for the topic to dominate our conversation. This was to be a HAPPY social occasion. After all, I know none of this is Julie's fault. It's not my doctor's nor my nurses fault either. Though we did discuss the topic, I hope it didn't become oppressive during dinner. I tried to reel that in.

The meal was long, mostly because I still take forever to eat and when I add conversation to the mix, well...it becomes an event. I can't chew fast and I need to cut everything into small bites. On top of that I ordered a big meal of Fillet and Lobster!

I would normally order soup and salad, something I can eat simply when out with friends, but tonight was a grand occasion. It was the first meal we shared since we met and she was the one who helped me survive on a feeding tube. To me it was a celebration, a night to show my accomplishments, and how grateful I was to have her as part of my team! Pure Joy...or pure Julie to be correct!

That night as I went to sleep it was obvious, I didn't want to leave the hospital if I could bring about some type of change, but again...how? I thought the only way something like this can be fixed is to go right to the top. I decided I would try to contact the President of the MD Anderson Cancer Center, Ronald DePinho, M.D. Surely he would want to hear that a cancer patient whose life was saved by the hospital is ready to walk out in search of another.

When I returned to my hotel room, stuffed and beaming ear to ear from the evenings wonderful meal, I was still worried about the lump on the back of my neck. I would find out more in the morning if my cancer has returned. I also had my appointment with one of my favorite doctors, Dr. Stella Kim. I just love her! I have two Dr. Kim's and tomorrow I have an appointment with both Dr. Edward Kim (chemo) who follows my progress like primary care and Dr. Stella Kim (ophthalmology.) My home eye doctor already checked my eyes prior to me coming to MDA and I carry with me the good news...proof my left eye is ready for surgery.

GOOD NEWS???? YES! I failed my eye exam!!! This is one exam I don't mind failing!!! I have been dealing with cataracts compliments of cancer from radiation to my head and neck since 2007. My right eye had a lens implant in 2007, but my left did not qualify (by insurance standards) until now. It's all been a blur for many years, which does have its benefits at times! Radiation might be a life saving measure, but it sure screws up everything else! All I want for Christmas is my eye sight back, my eye sight back, my eye sight back!

TUESDAY - December 13, 2011

Back to the hospital by 8 AM to prepare to evaluate my eyes. It's official, I can't see! I'm scheduled for surgery. Dr. S. Kim said, "I surprised you can see as well as you do." I gotta through in one, I told you so!

I am so exhausted I can't see straight! That's because I can only see out of one eye! HA! Scans came back negative, just fatty tissue on back of neck, nothing to worry about. I get my sight back in January. It's turning out to be a very good day, but, the young boy was still on my mind.

I expressed my anger with the hospital to my doctors and nurses. They all seemed to understand there are issues surrounding the hospital right now and even offered support saying, "If there is anything I can do to support your cause." Humm I guess at this point it is a cause.

Before I could say Head and Neck I was asked if I wanted to meet with May Johnson, MD Anderson's Clinical Business Manager of the Head and Neck section of the hospital. They were also going to bring in someone from Patient Advocacy, but if you all recall when I had an issue with the dental department years ago...and Patient Advocacy made promises that were never kept. This needs to go bigger and since the opportunity was presented to speak with the person who oversees all of the schedulers, I was down!

Since this was an impromptu meeting, I was asked to wait for May to arrive. As usual patients chat while waiting to be seen. A woman asked me about my cancer and I showed her my scars and discussed my history and my rather remarkable recovery. The nurse returned to discuss the meeting with me and actually seemed a bit excited. She left for a moment to see if there was a room available for a private discussion. The female patient gestured to me with a warm smile and a thumbs up. She obviously overheard some of our conversation and said to me, "Cancer stole your tongue and the doctors here gave it back so you can now speak for those who can't." OMG! How profound her words were and how true. I was now a man on a mission.

I was escorted into a private room and asked to wait for May to arrive. She was very understanding. Quiet and obviously the listening type...one who was willing. I knew how important this meeting was and the whole time I kept thinking, "How can I get her to understand this from a patent's perspective?" I told her of the waiting room incident where the young boy walked out and how much of an impact it made on me.

May teared up as I spoke. She was feeling what I felt as it happened. She understood. We discussed the finer points of good customer service. I tried to use analogies that she might relate to basing them on my experiences from my restaurants. After all customer service is similar whether it's fast food or a hospital, right?

I suggested hospital employees shadow patients for a day. Stick with them on those long 12 hour days. Follow morning until night, through some of those miserable schedules, like the ones I had during my treatment. Hopefully they would experience the screw ups and understand. If time didn't permit, then make them go into the waiting rooms without acknowledging they are hospital staff and talk and LISTEN to the other patients, get to know their stories and the hospital headaches they face.

It's hard to go through this when you're in good health...imagine being so sick and preparing for a possible funeral. Maybe then they will understand how important their job is. How every last minute change or screw up makes it even harder. Maybe they will meet a young boy that just can't take the mistakes any longer. Maybe they will learn from the heart and not the computer.

If at the very least assign a person, or better, a department that takes the time to call patients (customers) everyday to get a real understanding of how well things are going. To poll the audience and see how they are really doing. This was something I did religiously with my businesses. I had tickets that showed wait times, with orders and phone numbers. All I had to do was call to find out how my staff was doing. At times I got an earful, but I quickly learned that most customers don't bother to complain, they just don't come back and those that do you MUST listen to because they are actually trying to make you better because they like your establishment.

Sure you have to weed out those you can never make happy. But, a loyal customer with a complaint is the best way to make your business grow stronger if you listen to what would make them happy. When I came across an angry customer I thought I might lose, I would often be willing to send them out a coupon for a free pizza. BUT...I quickly learned I didn't have to compensate them that much. Many times they were so shocked that I cared enough to listen that didn't even want a free pizza. They just wanted to know someone cared enough to fix the problem and they could get what they paid for and were assured the product would be consistent. From there you have to deliver your promises if you are to succeed.

I asked why a trained scheduler would be able to schedule a blood draw AFTER a CT scan if it MUST be completed before. A new patient would have gone to the CT scan (in another building by the way) only to be turned away and have to go back to the main building for a blood draw. I was subjected to this once myself. Do you know how much time is wasted and how exhausted mistakes like this are for a sick cancer patient? Why does the computer even allow this to be done without some override protocol?

I began to realize as we spoke, this is SO MUCH bigger than just the scheduling. There are software issues with the programming. There are training issues with the Scheduling Department and if 65 plus people are in a waiting room at 6:50 AM and they are calling ONE patient at a time...it's obvious the people who are scheduling the patients have no communication with regard to the guidelines of whoever schedules the employees in the Phlebotomy (blood) Department. It's a domino effect...and not that's not a pizza reference!

After more than an hour, May invited me back in the future to address her staff on the impact her staff has on our care. Two doctors and a nurse support my efforts.They are honestly and sadly aware of their faults at this time, but want to get better. See...I'm not just another bitchy patient! (no comments!) My father always told me, "Don't be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution." I'm willing to help May anyway I can.

I don't want to go elsewhere, but if things don't change for the better, I need to find another team of doctors before I get too sick to make those decisions if needed in the future. AGAIN, I realize this is not the doctor's nor nurses faults. The support staff needs some serious work or the hospital will be unable to accomplish its goals. Those goals...SAVING LIVES! I will always remember that young boy that walked out of the hospital with his head hung low and wonder what ever happened to him?

I pray the New Year is better for all...HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

My New Year's Resolution: To be part of the solution!

Peace B

Friday, December 23, 2011

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

My First Christmas Card
Mommy & Me
On a cold snowy winter's night in Detroit, Michigan, a child was born. My mother was dressed as Santa because of her big baby belly. She ho-ho-ho'd one too many times delivering gifts and her water broke. Mommy then delivered her most precious Christmas gift ever, Me!

I wrote this for my mom as a gentle reminder of that exhausting Christmas day:


Hello Christmas!
by Brian N. Walin

It’s all warm and cozy, my cheeks nice and rosy. I cuddle and coo, like most babies do. I want to stay in here, with my mother so near. It’s just a small bedroom, though could use more headroom.

I hear noise surrounded, I’m kind of astounded. The music I hear is about a reindeer. I hear my Dad bellow, and Mom shakes like Jell-O. They’re having so much fun, it’s my time to be Son.

I squirm and I kick and I even pick. And all I can hear are words of St. Nick. On Dasher, on Prancer, I’m sure you all know. But my Mom is showing, it’s my time to go. The party must stop now, it’s my time to drop now. I haven’t a care, I soon will be there.

So off we go rushing it’s my party now. I can only imagine, Mom feels like a cow. She turns and she twists, she’s barring down hard. I can only hope now, I won’t pop in the yard. We get to the Doctor he’s waiting inside, I’m kind of excited about this whole ride.

It’s my time to jump out, but I still have some doubt. I think I will stay in here, if just for one more year. It’s really not that bad, but I can hear my Dad. “Let’s go you small squirt. I want to see my lad!”

So out I go bouncing it’s so good to see, that I have become part of this family. It’s so great to see you, you’re all here for me. Then out of my eyes I spy a small tree. All of the sudden, a nip and a tuck, this just can’t be happening, it must be bad luck. A slap on the ass follows this all, and then I feel pain and I start to ball.

Why did you do that? I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve really been so good, all evening long. There’s no need to hit me, I’m sure you will see. I’ll try to be real good, for this family. Don’t hit me now, I just want to stay. I promise I’ll brighten all of your day. Just give me a chance and teach me real well. I promise I’ll try not to put you through hell.

This day has been trying and awfully hard, but I thank God now, I’m not in the yard. I really can’t tell what had gone wrong, but I’ll always remember the deer from that song. It seems to be clear about those reindeer. That’s how it all started with me being here.

A swoop and coddle with cloths that do swaddle. I’m warm and I’m cozy my cheeks again rosy. I just need some sleep, I won’t make a peep, just let me drift off and start counting my sheep. This room is much bigger, it just seems so right. But I need my sleep now, I bid you good night.

December 25, 1960

©2005 Brian N. Walin (All rights reserved)

Words To Live By:

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service to others." -Mahatma Gandhi