My parents separated when I was 9. My father, as a single parent, raised me alone and he did an awesome job. I look back and say there will never be a more honest, loving, and hard working man to grace this planet. I thought of him more than ever this year. I miss him, wishing he could see all that I've accomplished, and be there for me during trying times like these.
During my lyric writing frenzy I wrote this in his honor...
You Will Always Be There
by Brian N. Walin
Will anyone care when you’re six feet away? Your hair’s fallen out, once prematurely grey. It wasn’t that easy to live a life well, but you managed to do so, while going through hell. It all was just over with one great big sigh and those all around you could not help but cry.
You were a great friend and father so true, and I spend my days just thinking of you. I cherish the memories and things you taught me. It took me awhile before I could see. You taught me the right things and even to fight things. I might not have shown it, but really had known it.
As time passes by and I travel on, I grow in my life and still carry on. I think of you often and always thank you, for giving me strength to carry me through. I’ve grown up wise and shunned all life’s lies. I feel so much better knowing that you were there, when I needed you most and how much you care. It wasn’t that easy letting you go. But therein lies the paradox, it had to be so.
I now have my own tribe and real family. It isn’t that easy when they turn to me. I try to help them with things they go through. I use your techniques as you used to do. I try to teach them things you once taught me, and during this time you’re always the key. It seems so much harder playing the role of the Dad, but I just remember the Dad that I had.
I look at my children as I teach them well, and then I remember I put you through hell. It’s really not easy playing such a big role, and I feel the pain, it’s taking its toll. I say things that you said, they come out of my head, and all the time knowing, it’s your love I’m showing.
I take time to show them, and make time to know them. I’ve learned to play teacher and not to play preacher. It makes me feel proud, when I speak aloud. If you could just hear me, I’m sure you’d be proud. I hope that they’re learning and listening well. This all came from you, I’m sure you can tell.
To answer the question, will anyone care? I’m sure of it now, I needed you there, and though I do miss you and wish I could kiss you. I’ll never forget and with no regret, how much you loved me, and trained me to see, the things that I needed, that helped me be me.
As the year passes, I’m now wearing glasses. It’s so clear to see how much you made me. Again to the question will anyone care? You have to know now…you will always be there.
You were a great friend and father so true, and I spend my days just thinking of you. I cherish the memories and things you taught me. It took me awhile before I could see. You taught me the right things and even to fight things. I might not have shown it, but really had known it.
As time passes by and I travel on, I grow in my life and still carry on. I think of you often and always thank you, for giving me strength to carry me through. I’ve grown up wise and shunned all life’s lies. I feel so much better knowing that you were there, when I needed you most and how much you care. It wasn’t that easy letting you go. But therein lies the paradox, it had to be so.
I now have my own tribe and real family. It isn’t that easy when they turn to me. I try to help them with things they go through. I use your techniques as you used to do. I try to teach them things you once taught me, and during this time you’re always the key. It seems so much harder playing the role of the Dad, but I just remember the Dad that I had.
I look at my children as I teach them well, and then I remember I put you through hell. It’s really not easy playing such a big role, and I feel the pain, it’s taking its toll. I say things that you said, they come out of my head, and all the time knowing, it’s your love I’m showing.
I take time to show them, and make time to know them. I’ve learned to play teacher and not to play preacher. It makes me feel proud, when I speak aloud. If you could just hear me, I’m sure you’d be proud. I hope that they’re learning and listening well. This all came from you, I’m sure you can tell.
To answer the question, will anyone care? I’m sure of it now, I needed you there, and though I do miss you and wish I could kiss you. I’ll never forget and with no regret, how much you loved me, and trained me to see, the things that I needed, that helped me be me.
As the year passes, I’m now wearing glasses. It’s so clear to see how much you made me. Again to the question will anyone care? You have to know now…you will always be there.
©2005 Brian N. Walin (All rights reserved)
01/22/05
Rest in Peace
B
7 comments:
Kind of ironic, this blog today. Today was the anniversary of my mother's passing. You made me cry again, but good tears. Funny how we become our parents, huh?! All the things that they did that bugged the crap out of us, we do now!! I laugh at the saying "mirror mirror on the wall, I have become my mother after all"!!
Thanks, Brian for so genrerously sharing your life with us.
Hugs to you.
Moweenie
Hello Brian, I found you on Ant's site yesterday when you posted about no pity parties. I read some of your blog and then my first waking thought this morning was you. You made me feel so ridiculous and ashamed to complain and be caught up in my little stuff. Your attitude is amazing and to be admired. Anyway I felt compelled to pray for you this morning. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I prayed for you to be healed, continued mental and physical strength and most of all a saved soul. I'm usually not the preachy type and I hope I'm not over stepping any boundaries here. I was just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and what an inspiration you are. From 3 months to live to 12 years later, God is definitely using you as tool to show others not to lay in self pity but to keep fighting. You are a force for sure! I don't know how you are doing it, but keep going and know how much you are admired. I will keep you in my prayers and send lots of healing vibes your way.
Sharon aka Mom2thegirls
Brian,
I'm really enjoying your writings. I love your transparency. Thanks for letting us out here in cyberspace be peeping toms into your life. Speaking of peeping toms, could you please try and tie up the backside of your hospital gown! You're making us blush!
Keep up the good work. You're in my prayers.
-Eric (Maynard's nephew)
Maureen,
I so agree. I find myself often a combination of both my parents, but really more my dad. Hugs to you on this anniversary. Try to think of all the wonderful times you shared and celebrate them today in her honor! Cheers to your Mom!
Sharon,
I have a deep spiritual belief. I pray and embrace all religions, yet I don't let just one govern my path. I don't feel the need to go to a specific house of worship when to me the whole world is my house.
Your prayers are welcomed appreciated and respected and I humbly thank you for your kind thoughts and healing vibes.
Eric E,
Thanks for stopping by I hope all is well back home and your children are happy and healthy! I promise to try and keep my hospital gown tied, but the hospital is sooo boring I need to give the nurses something to laugh about. At 114 lbs right now nobody wants to see my bony butt!!! Thank You for stopping by.
You cannot buy Tahitian Noni Juice at GNC retail outlets. It is only sold by independent distributors of Tahitian Noni International. The brand name is trademarked. If you are interested in purchasing the highest quality noni available, please lookup your local TNI distributor before spending any more money on an inferior product.
Well I disagree, I know what we bought and where we bought it. It was Tahitian Noni and it was GNC. But thank you for your comment
There are several brands of Tahitian Noni juice on the market. The GNC we went to carries 2. A GNC Noni and Tahitian Noni. The Tahitian Noni contained more of the actual Noni juice and was more expensive. It was purchased at the GNC - 5158 Buffalo Speedway, Houston, TX 713-664-6125. You can call to verify they carry the product if you like...Peace
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