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Meaning of life

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." ~ Pablo Picasso

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Cancer Chronicles 38

Fly Me To The Moon!

From the mind of a cancer patient.
Well here we go again. It’s back to MD Anderson for my semi-annual check-up. Any cancer patient will tell you this can be extremely stressful, knowing you’re feeling well, yet tests might prove otherwise.

I always enjoy flying, being among the clouds. It gives me a feeling of invincibility, that “King of the World” feeling. I sit and watch the clouds wisp by, fixated upon the landscape below and the world doesn’t seem so big anymore.

Today, butterflies fill my stomach as I eagerly pray my cancer is still in remission and that I’m still winning this battle.

While in the airport terminal, I await my chariot. I have time enough for lunch. LUNCH! OMG! LUNCH! What a concept: To sit down and enjoy ones self over a meal and relax. There was a time I didn't give this a second thought. But now, having lost my tongue to cancer and not eating for two years, this is a triumph! For lunch: a single Crab Cake with Rémoulade Sauce and ice tea. Just perfect! I am humbled and appreciate every bite. I only wish I could lick the plate!

As I board the plane, I get that feeling like you do when the roller coaster hits its peak and it's about to plummet. “Here we go.” I think to myself. This time, will the cancer be back or will yet another victory be won?

Once in the air, the soft billowy clouds bring peace. A few hours and I’ll be in Houston to bring my worries to a close. Soft drinks are being dispensed and I'm handed pretzels. A little bag of teeny tiny sticks dashed with salt. My heart stops. My breath tightens. "Can I eat these?" I ask myself.

I haven't had pretzels in years. In fact, I really don't like them. So you're probably thinking..he put them down and didn't give them a second thought. BULLSHIT! I snapped open that microscopic bag and proceeded to eat them one little one inch stick at a time. Had they been any bigger, I would have had a problem because they just sucked up my saliva like a sponge!

With a smile on my face, I washed down each stick individually with a swish of water. I felt a tear form in the corner of my right eye. As it slithered down my cheek, the flight attendant asked if I was alright. "Life couldn't be any better right now," I said with a wink, wiping the wetness from my face.

I plugged in my headphones and on pops some of my favorite music pouring into my ears. It’s the big band swing era. The days when huge orchestras and big brass sections concurred the airwaves.

I drift off to a half way place. Not awake, yet not asleep. It begins…more like a hallucination: The music soothes, I’m Singing in the Rain. I’m dressed in a trench coat, proper chapeau, umbrella, and splashing my way down the street kicking at the puddles with my graceful stride. You know, like that famous scene with Gene Kelly.

I’m singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling

I’m happy again
I’m laughing at clouds
So dark up above
‘Cause the sun’s in my heart

And I’m ready for love!


Without a hesitation “I’m Up A Lazy River” feet dangling in the cool refreshing water, fish nibbling at my toes, sun drenched in a bathing suit.

Up the lazy river by the old mill run,
The Lazy, lazy river in the noonday sun,
Linger in the shad of a kind old tree,
Throw away your troubles, dream a dream with me.

YEAH BABY! Sock it to me mama!



From that lazy river I slip into my tuxedo with Frank, the Chairman of the Board. I’m transported weightless, drifting effortlessly, as I sing among the stars. I rest upon a cloud while being drenched in a massive lunar light:

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me



I drift off to sleep on a billowy white cloud, while a little cricket whispers secrets in my ear:
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind.
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true




SNAP, CRACKLE,AND POP!
I'm jolted back to consciousness...

"Ladies and Gentleman, please return your tray tables and seat backs to their full upright position. We will be landing in the Houston area momentarily. Flight attendants, prepare for arrival and cross check."

WOW! What a rush that was…but we just left the ground? I feel like I’ve slept for a week with a song in my heart and a spring in my step!

Tomorrow's the big day!

Peace
B

5 comments:

Daria said...

Great post ... that was fun.

Sharifah Rashidah bt. Syed Ahmad said...

Oh Brian,

I know how it must have felt nibbling on those pretzels. Sounds delicious. My eyes watered when read your post.

I sure hope that you will win this round again.. Hang in there my friend!

Maureen said...

Hey Brian,

I guess you are done being poked and prodded for the day. You are SO gonna win this round. No doubt about it...you ARE a winner.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...always.

{{hugs}}

Dr. Swill said...

Sharifah,

Thank you, I want you to join me in snack time as soon as you are ready, which I hope will be soon.


Maureen,

Not all the test results are in yet, but those that are, aren't bad just some abnormalities, but then who wants to be normal?

{HUGS}B

I'M EXHAUSTED!!!

Dr. Swill said...

Thank you Daria!
It was fun for me too. Sure put me in a great mood to tackle today. I'm getting ready to leave for the hospital now for 10 hours of poking and prodding. I'm sure you know the drill.
Peace B

Words To Live By:

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service to others." -Mahatma Gandhi