The Cancer Chronicles 25

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Day 3

This is the all important day! My CAT Scan will show if the cancer has returned. I arrive to the imaging department on time, fill out the preliminary paperwork, and wait in the lobby. I remember the first time I was here, last year, I was nervous knowing a radioactive dye would be injected into me. This time....piece of cake! Ummm cake!!! (Focus Brian!)


The CAT Scan Machine:
Computerized Axial Tomography

The CAT Scan machine was invented by Hounsfield, and is basically a tube that rotates in a circle around the patient making many images as it rotates. These images are then reconstructed by a computer in axial sliced images sort of like the way bread is sliced, thus each slice may be examined individually. The machine looks like a large DONUT standing up (called the gantry) on its side with a table going though the center of it. The patient lies on the table as the table is moved slowly into the Scanner gantry (Donut). The Gantry houses the rotating x-ray tube and x-ray receptors. The original scanners in 1978 took 2 minutes per slice and had very rough images. The new scanners today can do a series of 30 images in a few seconds and have much sharper images.
My name is called. I'm escorted into a holding area of comfortable recliners. An IV line is placed into my arm and I wait for a machine to become available. I'm given a warm blanket while I relax.

It's my turn and into the familiar room I go. The CAT Scan is similar to an MRI in it's imaging, but it's not as claustrophobic and does not have the bumping and grinding sounds associated with it.

I recline on the futuristic bed and made comfortable. An IV line is connected to my arm that will inject the dye at the appropriate time. I remember the first time this happened it freaked me out.

I could actually feel the dye course through my veins. I'm covered in a warm blanket and left alone in the room with my morning donut. Ummm Donuts! (Focus Brian!) I hear a voice from the technician in the outer room say, "And her we go!"

The scan is done twice. First before and secondly after intravenous iodinated contrast. The iodinated contrast enhances the vascular structures and improves the interpretation of the Cat Scan images.

I feel the warmth of the dye course through my veins as it heats its way through my body. First up the arm where the IV is placed, then across my chest down my stomach and into my loins. I feel the need to pee as the hotness seems to hoover for a moment before continuing into my legs. It's just a bazaar feeling. Kind of like having the sun shine on your insides. Not at all painful, just unsettling.

After less than 20 minutes I'm escorted back to the holding area where my IV is removed and I'm instructed to drink lots of water for the rest of the day and to apply pressure to the now cotton ball covered IV site for 5 minutes.

This day is done and over and I will know my results tomorrow.

I gotta run for now..gotta PEE!

PEE-CE
B

The Cancer Chronicles 24

Day 2

Another 6:30 AM awakening. Off to meet Dr. Hanasano. I haven't seen him since last August. His assistant arrives with a surprised look on her face. Once again I'm told how great I'm looking. This could go to a mans head, but I realize the truth and put it all into perspective. She looks at my arm (where the flap came from) and then checks the tongue.

All looks great to her, but she wonders why I'm not on solid foods yet. I explain my reluctance to bite down due to the pain that comes if I bite the flap. THERE IS TOO MUCH SKIN IN MY MOUTH!!! She tells me to address this when Dr. Hanasano arrives.

When the Doc comes in he seems very happy with my progress and how much better I appear. Another comment of how great I'm looking. Even with my slow recovery he is pleased. He FINALLY agrees that we should adjust the flap by taking a 1 inch X 1 centimeter of slice of skin out. HURRAY!!!!

This should allow me to chew more comfortably and perhaps even better my speech. Although there is a possibility of it making the speech worse. That's the risk I must face, but I think I would rather eat at this point than continue on a feeding tube the rest of my life!

The timing is up to me as long as it has a minimum of a 6 week lead time. His only concern is for my healing after this surgery due to the amount of radiation that was received on that side of the mouth.

It's also suggested that while I'm here I see a speech pathologist that specifically deals with edema related issues (abnormal fluid buildup in tissue cells.) I still have an enlarged lower lip and swollen cheek. It seems like a good idea, if it will help the healing process.

I'm not excited about the actual surgery, but the prospect of eating real food is my motivation.
Motivation makes the world go round. Now go out and find something that motivates you.

Peace B

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The Cancer Chronicles 23

And We're Off!!!

Up at 6:30 AM. Blood draw early this morning along with a chest x-ray. Fun Fun Fun! Then on to my speech therapist. Not much news there. She just wants to see me ween myself off the feeding tube and can understand why I'm having trouble with solid foods because of the size of the tongue flap. Then onto see the always grinning Dr. Morrison. He seems to be opening up more. Always a man of few words, but he was much more social on this visit. He seems pleased with my progress.

I often wonder if it's hard for many of the people that work with cancer patients to get too close. There's always that chance the patient might not survive. Not only dealing with the loss, but maybe even a feeling of failure. I'm not sure I could do what they do. The emotional impact must be great knowing the odds of death associated with this disease.

This was an easy day and I feel really good about what has transpired thus far, but tomorrow will be another day.

Peace
B

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The Cancer Chronicles 22

LIVE
From MD Anderson Cancer Center

Once again I find myself here at MD Anderson. This time for a check up to see if my cancer has returned. Charlotte Daigle from the American Cancer Society (ACS) in Houston has found me very affordable accommodations. We became friends over the phone last year when she told me of her husbands battle with oral cancer. He actually had the very same team of doctors I have. Unfortunately he lost his battle with cancer.

This is my first day back in three months. It appears different to me. So many of the same faces. Not just the nurses and doctors, but the greeters, volunteers, and even some patients. Many have stopped me to tell me how great I look. It makes me feel really good, but then I have to ask myself...How bad did I look before???

Dr. Clayman, my surgeon, is not seeing me this visit. He doesn't want to see me until August. I guess that's a good sign. Unless I've been such a pain in the ass he just wants a break! He's still my hero!

Blood draw at 7 AM on Tuesday starts the day, followed by a chest x-ray and an appointment with my speech therapist. Then finally a quick visit with Dr. Morrison, my microwave (Radiology) doctor.

Wednesday I will meet with Dr. Hanasono, my plastic surgeon, to address my tongue flap. I still have a constant dull pain and I have said from day 1...THERE IS TOO MUCH SKIN IN MY MOUTH!!!

When I attempt to chew, I have a tendency to bite the flap which causes great pain and then I'm back on my pain meds again. Which is not necessarily a bad thing since many of my friends think I'm more agreeable while on drugs...go figure!

We will need to address when to remove the feeding tube. If there is an adjustment to be made to the tongue flap, I assume the tube will remain until after I heal from that surgery.

Thursday is the most important day, I have my CAT scan. This will show if the cancer has returned or if I'm still cancer free. This is the day I'm most nervous about. It's like reliving being diagnosed all over again. I'm feeling very confident there is nothing to worry about. This cancer messed with the wrong dude!!! I'm like a cockroach...look for me after the Holocaust!

Friday will end this trip with a visit to see Dr. Edward Kim, my Chemo therapist. Then I will head back home ready to enjoy another 3 months of peace.

Wish Me Luck!
B

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The Cancer Chronicles 21

THE GREAT DEPRESSION

Well it sure has been awhile since you last heard from me. I just haven't felt up to writing. Actually I haven't felt like doing much of anything. December was a very hard month for me. I have to say I went into a deep depression. Not the crying, feeling sorry for myself depression, the I don't care, go away and leave me alone kind.

I stayed in bed most of the month, honestly not giving a shit. I guess it was just everything washing over me at once. I was still fighting with the hospital over bills. The debt has mounted. Even with a 30% co-pay, my share of the over $200,000 bill so far, is hard to fathom. The anniversary of my father's death is in December. My step father also died in December. My birthday is in December making me another year older and my mother was once again in the hospital in December. I had plenty of things to think about and reflect upon. Hummm December sucks!

One year ago mom and I were having the time of our lives on a cruise ship with Rosie O'Donnell. (check the archives for that story) I wasn't 100% sure I had cancer at that time. Then January 2007 was my turning point. Nothing would ever be the same again. Cancer, drugs, surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, more drugs, yea drugs... and having to make the decision that I was no longer able to take care of my failing mother. In 2007 mom would grace the hospital 4 times with 2 long term rehab stays. All while I tried to cope with my own health issues.

So, December was not at all a good month. By mid January 2008 the Christmas cards lay on the kitchen table unopened. Mom was once again in rehab. Loving Christmas and birthday greetings overflowed on my answering machine. My email box stopped annoying me with, "You've got mail!" and started demanding "Get off your ass and answer this shit!" Hundreds of unanswered emails from all over the world. Many of whom have kept up with this blog...and Maureen, my girl who's always there. Thank you!!!

I can't account for the 6 weeks they just seem not to exist. So I guess it's time to get back into the game again. I just gotta breath and move.

So, I humbly say to those of you, Thank You for your kind and loving thoughts. I will be headed back to MD Anderson once more for another series of check ups. Wish me luck!!!

Peace B

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